Maintaining Compassion

Dee Dee VanDyke, Provena Mercy Medical Center

Lelianna, a new nurse and new employee, was caring one day for Roberto, a 37 year-old man whose alcohol addiction had destroyed his health to the point that he was slowly dying of liver disease. Roberto’s mother and family had difficulty accepting that his condition was acute. With a “do not resuscitate” status in place, Roberto’s hospitalization led into weeks of care with family members regularly and faithfully visiting. But early one morning, Roberto died. The family was asked to come quickly. Lelianna and the on-call chaplain broke the news. Roberto’s mother had arrived alone and only spoke Spanish. Lelianna, who is bilingual, spent additional time with the patient’s mother as she wept and experienced the profound sadness of a parent who has lost a child. While present to the emotional pain of this family member, Lelianna was aware of her own feelings of sadness and anger.

As she prepared Roberto’s body for transport, Lelianna honored her feelings of anger and spoke to the deceased. “How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to your mother? …to me?” Intuitively, Lelianna released the deep feelings of distress in a safe and wholesome way. She continued her work and prayed for the patient and family.

As the day wore on, the experience of Roberto’s death stayed with Lelianna. She noticed that this loss touched personal losses of her own. The lament of this patient’s mother mirrored the grief of her dear aunt who had lost her 11 year-old daughter some years ago. The effects of alcoholism brought to mind her own husband’s struggle with the same. Only five years earlier, Lelianna’s husband made the decision to stop drinking. When Lelianna got home from work that day, she gave her husband a quick call: “Honey, thanks for giving up drinking.” He thought aloud: “Where’s this coming from?” She explained: “I’ll tell you later.”

Throughout the work day, well meaning nurses told Lelianna she would “get used to it” or “it gets easier.” Lelianna filtered their advice respectfully. Although the day brought emotional challenges both professionally and personally, it gave her the opportunity to bring the healing ointment of compassion to the patient’s family. She reflected on her professional life and shared with me: “I never want to lose my sense of compassion in the workplace. It heals.” The experience also awakened her own on-going need for healing and thanksgiving. She reflected on her personal life in meaningful ways and gave thanks to both God and her husband.

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